Minister vs. Admin

I made a joke that the salaried clergy are the “admin folks” of the Episcopal Church…the context was that therefore it followed that the so-called “lay people” of the church…the VOLUNTEERS…are the hands, feet & voices…the Disciples…of the church…. of course messing with a clergy person’s paycheck…even if only in jest…can be a setup for backlash…after all, those paid actual dollars to work for god get to have houses cars motorcycles scooters motor homes iPods iPhones tattoos gardens picket fences…so it’s like “nice work if you can get it”…even if your worker bees can’t afford said luxuries…. for several years after my brother’s death, I struggled with what may’ve been a “calling” to the priesthood…but the debt, the discernment, the disappointments regarding what I had believed to be “holy” all contributed to my realization that I could do MORE to serve god without the diploma & my boss would be god exclusively rather than a bishop…. so I forged ahead with an overabundance of churchly ministries…exhausting my body mind & soul in the process…& then the miracle finally happened when I realized that I needed to ask the question “what is my INTENTION behind the doing-doing-doing of each of these activities?” … & the answer helped me to understand why I was feeling run down into the ground…those same old issues I’ve been dealing with for 50 years…fear of abandonment, of not being liked, of not pleasing some imaginary earthly taskmaster, of being alone…. & the intention was NOT about what was best for my Self or MY soul or god or my own fulfillment…. Ooh, my bad…damn…. pleasing a clergyperson (no matter how nice she or he is) is not going to make MY life complete…mostly I’m kinda enabling the clergy to hold on to their paychecks…& me, I’m using up a lot of gas in my car at 0% reimbursement…so lately I’ve been looking within vs looking without…paying attention to what I’m FEELING as I race around town doing for & pleasing others…. the big R word…Resentment…has popped up quite frequently…if I’m doing so much for others, what am I doing for myself??? …where is the time & space for ME??? “simplify” said Thoreau & his suggestion rings ever more true in this overly-complicated world that has ensnared us with mind-numbing distractions…. now when I hear the “I don’t wanna” in the back of my head as i’m heading out the door, I pay attention to the feelings behind that plaintive whine…. Vestry Meetings for instance…admin stuff…alt-con-del…Stephen Ministry…tired of listening…alt-con-del…Eucharistic Visits…tired of driving…alt-con-del…. so what DOES feed my heart mind & soul? writing…prayer…poetry…music…cats…dogs…friends…love…hugs…preaching…did i mention writing?…Cursillo…. there’s more but the point is for there to be less…less of the stuff that pleases others that sucks the soul out of me & likely will suck the soul out of those i minister to with toxic intentions…. my latest Dearest One is kind enough to let me babble on about all this stuff…I was telling her about the priestly calling & how I had to let it go…& she stopped me from talking for a moment (hard to do sometimes!) & asked why I would have to ignore such a calling & of course I started to babble about school, tuition, papers…& she jumped in & said, that’s man’s way of becoming a priest…if god is calling you to be a minister, well…just BE a minister…. and it’s like wow…that is so true…forget the middleman & the admin stuff & simply follow the voice of god in your heart…. I’m reminded of DJ Chris in the Morning on KBHR radio in Cicely, Alaska on the TV show “Northern Exposure”…he sent for his “minister license” by filling out a form on the back of Rolling Stone Magazine…he was mensch…a guy of the people…& he tended his quirky flock of fellow townsfolk with love, compassion & a subtle sense of humor…. go forth, methinks, & do the same….

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

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About pjh95811

I am a writer and poet living in California. I love cats, dogs, nature, poetry, spirituality and the Pacific Ocean.
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2 Responses to Minister vs. Admin

  1. GREAT!!!! btw, what does “alt-con-del” mean?

  2. pjh95811 says:

    alt-con-del = “alternate-control-delete” in computer-speak…in other words, “get rid of it”!!!!

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