I’ve been watching the whole TV series, “Northern Exposure,” on DVD for the past several months. I’d never watched it when it was originally on in the early 1990s, so this has been a treat.
In a recent episode from Season 5, Ed Chigliak, Cicely, Alaska’s wanna-be screenwriter, film-maker & shaman, is visited by a little demon called “The Green Man.” This little 3-foot trollish guy with rather disturbing flashing green eyes is harassing Ed by telling him what a loser he is.
Well, of course, sweet Ed is not a loser, but Leonard, Arrowhood County’s professional shaman & healer, has to help him figure it out.
Long story short, we ALL have a personalized “Green Man” who follows us around & haunts us. In Ed’s case, his Green Man is low self-esteem. Low self-esteem holds Ed back from romance, fufillment & writing his own screenplay. In order to get rid of his Green Man, Ed, Leonard tells him, must learn to LOVE himself. Once he can do that his low self-esteem will be conquered & his Green Man will be out of a job.
This particular storyline especially spoke to me…sometimes I feel like I have an Army of Green Men following me around.
For December, I am doing battle with the ultimate Green Man, the Holiday Grinch. This particular Green Man whispers garbage in my ear such as, “You’re alone…why be happy about the holidays? Why send out cards or put up a few decorations if it’s only just for YOU?”
It can be easy to buy into this crap, considering how pop culture practically forces “happiness” down our gagging throats this time of year.
But like Ed, I must continually work on loving myself. It’s like, well yeh, I do consider myself to be loveable & I do LIKE myself…but often, when it comes to actually loving myself, I’m not always a very good life partner.
After all, who do we really “have” except for ourselves? People come & go throughout our lives, but bottom line, we arrive here alone & we leave here alone. And some of us are even more alone than others.
And if I don’t love & take care of me, who will?
So…BOP on the head, Green Man…take that! I’m gonna string up the lights that I bought on sale last year around my tiny living room. And I discovered 4 boxes of Christmas cards in my cupboard that I didn’t even know I had. And, maybe just MAYBE, I’ll put out at least one of my collection of nativity sets.
My Green Grinch Man tries to convince me that I don’t count just because I am alone. But my likes & loves DO count & I deserve to enjoy them. I can still ooh & aah at the holiday lights in the neighborhood houses even if no one else is in the car with me.
So that’s one Green Man down & about 20 to go. And I love myself enough to keep on fighting them.
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