I was walking home from a cat-feeding today & along the way, I saw something that I don’t remember now that reminded me of something from my past (which I DO remember…’nuff said) and I actually found myself shaking my head out there on the sidewalk & thinking to myself, “Geez…I have done some really stupid, stupid things in my life.”
And so…hmmmm…what more do I write about that other than, “Wow, that’s one long damn sentence for a first paragraph”?
I guess maybe I need to reflect, not so much on the stupid things themselves, but on figuring out WHY I did some of them so that I won’t do them again.
And generally, I realize, I’ve done a whole heckuva lot of stupid things for…
And well, you might say, everyone does that at one time or another. But I can guarandamntee you that no one has done it with the passionate intensity (i.e. stupidity) that I have done.
Not long ago, I had a conversation with a therapist-type person who told me that she had done similar things for love (without embarrassing herself by revealing the details) and that finally, after many long years, she had figured out why.
And she when on to talk about how often-times, there are women, such as herself, who have experienced tremendous feelngs of abandonment in their pasts. And these raw emotions and feelngs of loss often revolve around a mother. This can be either physical or emotional abandonment…there are scars either way.
And so a little girl who feels profoundly unloved and abandoned by the very people who are supposed to nurture her with love, grows up to be a woman who longs with passionate intensity (ie, stupidity) for love, who often sacrifices the things important to her to get it.
And yet, alas, the deep, yearning hole never gets filled.
That is, until the woman wakes up out of her dream and realizes what a mess she’s making.
So, ya know, not saying that I have ever done any of these things, but women have been known to move or quit a job or drop out of school, move into the house of someone they barely know, travel to a state they’ve never wanted to set foot in or not eat their favorite foods just to get that warm body that seems to be the end-all and be-all of life.
And, of course, love and companionship are good things…but there has to be some prioritizing. A woman, first and foremost, has to love herSELF before she can love and be loved by another. And she must be TRUE to herSELF.
Once a gal knows who she really is, chances are the passionate, intense longing that results in doing stupid things will be replaced by a peaceful acceptance and self-assurance and faith. And she will know in her heart that she deserves more than just anyone, she deserves the best one.
And, of course, it’s okay to travel or move or quit a job to be with a loving companion. But first, a woman has to know where SHE is going before she can go anywhere else. Otherwise, well…she’s going nowhere….
Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.